Chapter 9: But I Can See It Has To Be You Love, That I've Been Dreaming Of...
"You. Did. What?" He said to himself in disbelief. He had a blank stare on his face and wouldn't look at me.
"Baby, please ju-" I started.
"Don't you fucking 'baby' me mother fucker! You cheated on me! While I was off working! You couldn't have waited?!" I tried to grab his arm, but he pulled it away, getting out of the bed and walking out of the room.
"Andy please, I'm sorry. Like I said, nothing really happened. It was a mistake." I attempted to get up and follow him, clutching the walls to get to the living room.
"No. It wasn't a mistake and it sure as hell wasn't nothing. You let a girl suck you off! I obviously mean nothing to you!" He yelled again. His face held a look of hurt and betrayal. He didn't even look me in the eye.
"But I didn't get off. I snapped out of it before anything extreme actually happened." I tried to sit slowly in the chair, but Andy came over and pushed me down. I let out a little whimper from the pain.
"No, Ashley Purdy. It's the fact that you obviously don't respect me or love me enough to wait. One fucking week. You could have made it."
"Andy, I'm so sorry." I tried to get him to look at me, but he wouldn't. He turned around and walked a few feet away.
"No matter how many times you say it, it'll never be OK. You know what people call cheaters like you Ashley? Fucking worthless, and pathetic. Because that's what you are."That hit hard. "You're worthless because you make me feel worthless. I'm obviously not enough for you so you go and hook up with some bitch! That's it. I'm so done with you."
"Andy please! Don't do this." I could feel tears slide down my face and I was pleading.
"No. I can't do this. I refuse to be used like this again." Andy disappeared in the back room. I tried to follow after him, but I couldn't move.
"Bright eyes, can't we just go to bed and try again in the morning? We can get past this. Please, just don't leave." I cried after him. He came back into the living room with his bags that he never unpacked.
"No. You know what, I had a surprise for you. My boss and I arranged a deal to where I can work from home. Here, home. But this place isn't my home anymore. Just yours. We're over Ashley. And no amount of pleading will ever make me want to get back together with you." He looked at me, with sorrow in his eyes. "I thought you would be different. I guess I was wrong."
"Andy please, before you go, let me just ask one question." I was trying to speak without sounding pathetic and desperate. He stopped in front of the door. "Maybe later in life, do you think we'd have another chance? You're the love of my life, and I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I don't know what came over me, and I sincerely apologize."
"There's no telling." He then walked out of the door and out of my life. Taking my heart with him.
"Ashley it's been 3 months! Get out of your apartment!" Chris yelled at me from my bedroom door. It's been 3 months of living hell without Andy. All I ever did was sit around and cry every time I found something of his he left behind. I only left for work and for when I run out of food and alcohol.
"What's the point? Andy left me. There's no point in me living, there's no fun in dying, so I'm gonna stay in my house and hope to die from loneliness." I rolled over and covered my head.
"You'll die from alcohol poison first. Listen to me, don't you think you're disrespecting Andy if you stay like this?"
"What do you mean?" I asked uncovering my head.
"Showing him that you're upset will only make him feel bad for you, that much is true, but don't you think you should be happy you got to experience a love like that?"
"Yes, but then I think about the fact that there's a slim to none chance we're ever gonna get back together and I start crying again." I sat up when Chris came and sat in my bed. I wrapped my arms around him and started crying while he held me and stroked my hair.
"Ash, remember when you and I dated?" He asked squeezing me tighter to him.
"And I cheated on you with Jake?"
"Don't bring it up."
"No, I have to. Do you remember how long you went without talking to us?" He laughed.
"It was a year and a half."
"Exactly. With time you two will probably reconcile your differences. I mean, he's still friends with me and Jake. It's only a matter of time before you two see each other again." My eyes widened at the little bit of news. I let go of Chris and looked at him.
"You're both what?! How is he?! Is he OK? Why the hell didn't you tell me?!" I rushed.
"Easy sailor! I didn't tell you for this exact reason. He's doing fine, he wrote a book that's going to be published in a year or so. He's been asking about you too, so at least you know he still cares." He rubbed my head again. I felt a smile creep across my face.
"Wanna go out for dinner? I'm in the mood for seafood." I wiped my face with the blanket.
"There he is. Get cleaned up then we can go." Chris smiled.
It has been a year and two months since he left me. I've learned to live without him. Today I was going to help my Dad with his new shop opening near the apartment building. It was my turn to get coffee. I walked into the nearby Barnes & Nobles to grab some Starbucks coffee. The line was extra long, so I decided to check out the books in the 'New Arrivals' section.
Bright red cover, black text that looked like it was bleeding and a familiar last name that sent my heart into a tizzy. Kiss The Lips of Evil by A.D. Biersack. I picked up the last copy they had and got in line to order my coffee. The description of the book was interesting. Andy set the book in a rock band environment, and he was the main character with feelings for his bass player. I opened the book and read the dedication:
'To the Purdy mind of the love I let slip away.'
I was able to get through a little over half of the book before I went to bed. I'd never got to read any of Andy's writing. He had an amazing talent, making me cry at sad parts, feel the pain of the two characters that were in it, and when they finally reconciled their differences and their problems, I actually smiled and cheered.
What made the experience better, was that the characters were me and Andy, probably something that he wanted for us. Minus the terrible scenes. The next morning from the moment I had woke up, till I was standing in line again waiting to order my coffee, I hadn't taken my nose out of that book. I needed to know how it ended, how Andy wanted us to turn out. It was heartwarming, so heartwarming I wanted to start crying.
"Ashley?" I felt my heart jolt. I closed the book and looked up and around for whoever said my name. "Ashley Purdy?" I turned to see a taller man with long black hair dressed in an old ripped Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt, black ripped skinny jeans and tattoo's covering almost every inch of his arms. The look on my face was probably a sight to see. My mouth hung open a little and my eyes bugged at the sight of him. Just as perfect as the first day we met.
"Andy? Is it really you?" He smiled when I said his name, and I could feel my heart rate speed up.
"Yeah it's me. It's so good to see you again. What have you been up to?" I couldn't get over how much I missed the sound of his voice.
"Oh, you know, helping my parents with their shops. We're building a new one in the area. What about you?" I already knew, but I wanted him to tell me anyway. As long as we can keep the conversation going.
"Oh you know, being a published author." He laughed pointing to the book in my hand. "I'm glad you read it."
"I loved it. It's amazing. How come you didn't show me any of your writing when we were..." I stopped myself from saying 'together' or 'friends' because it hurt too much.
"I didn't think you were interested." He looked away.
"Well if you're writing anything now and want some opinions I'd love to check it out for you." I smiled at him. We both got out coffee and sat down catching up. He had spent the entire year working on his novels, but only one was successful for publication.
"Alright, I'll mention the elephant in the room." Andy said gulping down the last little bit of his coffee. I could feel my heart speed up again. "Did you read the dedication in the book?"
"Yeah I did. Very clever use of my last name."
"Well, it's the truth. I overreacted to what you did. And it was a few months too late before I realized what I did. I went back to your place, but I couldn't bring myself to knock on your door." I sat there quiet for a while. He wanted me back. I've had dreams of this day, but never did I ever think it would happen.
"So what you're saying is...?"
"Will you take me back? I miss you Ashes. I dream about you still, and I've tried moving on, but no guy I've dated is any better than you." I smiled when he said my pet name. He was serious and pulling out the big guns.
"Listen Bright Eyes. I would love to jump at the chance to take you back, but maybe this time, we take it slow? How about we go out and get dinner tonight? Keep catching up and see how we feel about each other in a few weeks to pick back up where we left off." I looked down at my hands. I didn't mean any of that. I wanted him to move right back in so we could cuddle tonight since I haven't slept well since he's been gone. I wanted him to kiss me. But I panicked and said something different.
"That's not what you want." He got up from his chair and walked over to me, leaning in slowly before he pressed his lips into mine. I pulled him closer to me and melted into him. He let go with a smile on his face. "I knew you were lying. C'mon. Let's go grab some food." He held out his hand for me to grab. I looked at it, back to him and grabbed it tight.
And never in my life do I ever want to let it go again.